Gallant Givers

He said he was very hurt. He gave so much and loved even more and was there to support, to console and to lend a hand, which sometimes even contained some cash, but people almost never returned the favor when he was on the other side of the fence. I told him it’s ok I felt the same, but I am in rehab hoping to change. I wanted to change in a way were I would not become a coldhearted S.O.B, but a loving S.O.B if there is one. His face showed that he was not entirely clear on what I was saying.

Ok, I explained lovingly, let me elaborate. You can still lend a hand regardless of the filling, and be there and be good and kind, but do it with love and with absolutely no expectations what so ever, only then would you be the person you think you are. With the fear of appearing like a motivational speaker, which I am not, I explained that I believed that perhaps beneath each one of us (the grand givers we perceive ourselves to be) there is this giant pleaser that wants recognition, and needs to be thanked and loved for what he does, or perhaps even worse there is this big control freak that seeks control and a need to emerge as the super hero. If we get the reactions we want, then the beneficiaries of our gallant gestures are great wonderful people, if not then the receivers are selfish bastards.

I discovered that it does not work that way. You either give unconditionally or you end up hurting yourself and others when you expect them to be like you in your time of need. I stopped expecting that a long time ago (lets say a few months ago, but it sounds more mature when you say a long time ago) I stopped expecting people to be my clones and act exactly how I want them to act. There might be a possibility that they can show their own love in different ways, maybe even more profound love, better in many ways than mine, if only I give them a chance. If they do not, then I should be resigned to the idea that this is my lesson to learn to become an unconditional giver, full stop.