I am afraid.
Afraid of a million and one things. Are they important? Are they real? It does not really matter, I am simply afraid of them and that sentiment alone can make them as real as that pain in my neck and shoulder that does not seem to want to go away.
I speak to a friend, hoping i would find the answer to some of the eternal issues bothering me and find out that he has his own little collection of fears, I speak to another friend and she has her own set of very plausible and “real” fears. I speak to my mother, sister, brother, for god’s sakes the trash collector (actually he might have the least amount of fears) and they all have their own fears, phobias anxieties, you name it. It is as if everyone goes shopping at the same “Fears & Phobias For Less”, and are even served by a very good sales person.
What is it ? Do we come to this world with those sentiments built in? Is this life and how it should be ?
I refuse to believe that. Fears or not, I refuse to sit and live with them, they have to be murdered. I keep asking myself, how many of these fears actually materialized ? “Almost none” the answer comes back, then why in the world are they so persistent? Why do some people seem so fear free.
Aha, but they are not, they appear as if they are, but in reality no one has been able to rid themselves of this ailment. So that is the trick then, to APPEAR as if we are operating out of happiness, out of the no fear zone.
All the self help books in the world tell you to operate with positive attitude, love, gratitude and happiness. To let go and have hopes rather than fears. And, I agree, 100%, the problem is to muster all these great feelings and to conjure all those positive vibes when you are deep in the pit. The trick is to APPEAR, that way you trick your mind into it, do it enough times and the silly machine stops knowing the difference and it becomes your default state.
Do I sound sarcastic? Actually for a change I am not, because I have tried it and it works. I remind myself of this fact daily, well, when I remember to remember that is !
2 comments:
when is enough? there has to be some x meets y intercept that allows us to say, "enough. phew!"
i found you via "jimmy the undercover designer", which now means i owe him a thank you, and if it counts for anything, i owe you an "enough". does it count when someone you do not know in any way says it's okay to en-joy your own life? if it doesn't, it damn well should.
and because the universe has a perverse, albeit expansive sense of humor, the word I'm being asked to type to post this comment is "plath". I think she would approve
Tracy, thank you for your comment. Glad what I said resonated with you. I guess we should all find our enough point and quickly before it's a bit late in life
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