Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Fight? That’s All?


We fight, we exchange words, and we throw blame and its over.

What is it exactly that happens when two people fight? Is it really about who is wrong and who is right? Is it the result of trying to show the other our point of view? Or is it more about ego? Is it really about what we need to say or just wanting to have the final say? Is it about what really happened or what we would have liked to have happened? Is it about telling the other our true feelings, or just saying things that would exonerate us from our own guilt and self blame. With our anger raging, it is all about what we want to emerge with? Who gets the bigger chunk of the other?

In most cases it is more like a battle field were the final outcome depends on how much ground we have gained. But once the dust settles we sometimes notice that the grounds we gained are not grounds we would have liked to tread given time and clearer thinking. Even though we sometimes emerge as the winners we end up stuck with words we would rather not have said or heard and these are the words that remain to resonate in our heads. Tougher than injuries and what is even worse is how they develop their own voices to play themselves over and over again in or  own heads creating an ongoing battle that never stops, burning their own fires that can consume us and render us helpless to forgive. But then enough time passes, enough to make us wonder why we fought in the first place? I am always left with the same conclusion; it is simply not worth it.

1 comment:

corine said...

You're describing the first ten years of my marriage. Was it worth fighting all this time: probably not. Did we have another option? Not at that stage of development as individuals or as a couple. We were like little children playing house or playing war, rehearsing for the real stuff.

The next ten years we've been just as hot-blooded, but I guess we stopped enjoying our drama.