Life Plans That Do Not Work

Her father is depressed.

All he talks about is how depressed he is, when he is not, he is talks about depressing thoughts, depressing affairs, how the world is going down the drains and only dark days await us.

He is probably close to being 80, among the elite group of men that would be viewed as extremely accomplished in terns of social, financial or political status. Yet he is depressed. He is revered and respected by many, he is visited by men of all backgrounds and his important opinion is sought by many. PhD students seek his help with their dissertations and writers ask for his assistance for their papers, yet he is depressed. He can afford medicine, a driver and a cook, lives in a large house and can travel, yet he is depressed.

He sits with his deceased wife's picture, most probably enlarged and framed, and speaks to her. Everyday he tells her how sorry he is that he did not spend as much time with her as he should have. He apologizes for not traveling enough with her, and asks forgiveness for not doing more things together, for not showing more love, for not lending a hand when he could have. They wanted to retire together and do so many things, so many plans were set for that time that seemed so distant in the future, only that time never came, her itinerary did not permit. Her trip in this lifetime was to leave earlier than retirement, their schedules in this lifetime were not synchronized and he was left with only his plans.

Apparently in life we cannot synchronize schedules and prepare for future events when the other party is a loved one, apparently the only way is to set time for them now while their schedule still permits.

What Is Wrong With You

“Most people do not know what is wrong with them, yet it is so clear for everybody else around them”

I did not come up with that, but I just heard it on TV.
Now, Ain't that truth?

Insignificant People

She comes up with pearls of wisdom every now and then. I hope she is reading to know how much I appreciate those moments we have. she said something I really liked, maybe because of it’s relevance at the moment. So here it goes and I quote

“ Insignificant people in insignificant places have illusions of significance”

20’s, 30’s, 40’s

In your 20’s you want people to see you the way you imagine yourself to be.

In your 30’s you want people to see you the way you think you really are.

In your 40’s  you don't give a damn, if you are lucky that is.

I Am Afraid

I am afraid.

Afraid of a million and one things. Are they important? Are they real? It does not really matter, I am simply afraid of them and that sentiment alone can make them as real as that pain in my neck and shoulder that does not seem to want to go away.

I speak to a friend, hoping i would find the answer to some of the eternal issues bothering me and find out that he has his own little collection of fears, I speak to another friend and she has her own set of very plausible and “real” fears. I speak to my mother, sister, brother, for god’s sakes the trash collector (actually he might have the least amount of fears) and they all have their own fears, phobias anxieties, you name it. It is as if everyone goes shopping at the same “Fears & Phobias For Less”, and are even served by a very good sales person.

What is it ? Do we come to this world with those sentiments built in? Is this life and how it should be ?

I refuse to believe that. Fears or not, I refuse to sit and live with them, they have to be murdered. I keep asking myself, how many of these fears actually materialized ? “Almost none” the answer comes back, then why in the world are they so persistent? Why do some people seem so fear free.

Aha, but they are not, they appear as if they are, but in reality no one has been able to rid themselves of this ailment. So that is the trick then, to APPEAR as if we are operating out of happiness, out of the no fear zone.

All the self help books in the world tell you to operate with positive attitude, love, gratitude and happiness. To let go and have hopes rather than fears. And, I agree, 100%, the problem is to muster all these great feelings and to conjure all those positive vibes when you are deep in the pit. The trick is to APPEAR, that way you trick your mind into it, do it enough times and the silly machine stops knowing the difference and it becomes your default state.

Do I sound sarcastic? Actually for a change I am not, because I have tried it and it works. I remind myself of this fact daily, well, when I remember to remember that is !

and while are at it

Self help books that is (hoping you have read the previous post).

I have to admit that I have always wondered about the name of that section of books.

Self Help, hmmm….

If I have the ability to “SELF HELP” would a recipe book be enough to do the trick? Not for me maybe. You see, when I am in dire need of “HELP” I would not want to do it my“SELF”, even if I had the tools, very much like that stupid flat tire. Be it rain or snow I would stand stranded for an hour waiting for a lift rather than dig out all the garbage in the trunk and spend the next 4 hours figuring out how everything fits. So the same way there are cabs to give me a lift, a mechanic (or whatever the job title of a flat tire changer is) to change the tire, I would want someone other than my“SELF” to do the “HELP”. Wouldn’t it be enough that I already need “HELP” ? I still have to yet “HELP” my“SELF” to get out of whatever it is that caused me to be in need of “HELP” ?

After proof reading the above I think I need HELP, and no   “ ”   this time.

Extra Curricular Activities

“We don't do anything unusual” she declared.

So, I asked “What is unusual?”

“Like going to a bookshop together”

Now, I am outspoken, especially with her, I really do not watch what I have to say to her, that kind of a comfortable relationship, but I really had to bite my tongue so not to say “and going to a bookshop is your idea of unusual?????”

So I went along and took her to the “unusual” bookshop, and as with all of us readers we immediately go to the section that interests us the most. A bit later I happened to be walking around and lo and behold where was she? At the, all too famous nowadays, self help section. Not that I don't have my fair share of these books, but i have been trying to stay away from them lately. So we stood there chatting and me reading to her what a numerology book says about her character, and suddenly she turns to me and says:

“ You know it is sad that we do read these books but we never really do what they say we should do” so I turned to her and said “No my dear, what is really sad is the fact the we are actually standing in front of this rack”

You Know You Look Like Shit……..

…when, in front of people whom supposedly like you, you declare :

“I look like shit”

and, you get total silence in response, and you declare yet again in a louder voice :

“Now is the time when you are supposed to say something”

and, yet you get more silence. No comforting “nooooo you look fine”, no easing the pain “you just look normal to me”, nor the less complimenting “there is nothing wrong with you”. Not even the nervous “Oh you think you do?” (which is yes you do, but we will make you think that only YOU think so)

So total silence when you are fishing for a compliment means NO COMPLIMENT, and yes you do look like shit.

The Curious Case Of The Remote Control

It was very late at night. I was alone watching a movie on TV and wanted to raise the volume a bit and discovered that the remote control was lying down in its quarters at its home, on the table, precisely where it always likes to sit. Reluctantly I went to get it, not because I am lazy but because there is always that feeling of “may I touch the remote control please?”

I got it, it sat on my lap but I could not shake that feeling of discomfort, that feeling that I am doing something I should not do, and using something that is not rightfully and legally mine. I even felt a bit of animosity from the thing towards me, you know a foreign hand touching it and pushing it’s buttons. I could almost hear it saying “stop touching me there”

And that my dear readers, if any, is the silly case of the remote control. Not a biggie even I would tell myself, only it is.

It is a big thing when you are 40 something and conditioned to exist in a room only as a visitor where the controls are in the hands of someone else. You see, we have this -------- (fill in the blank) custom in the Middle East whereby if you are single most probably you are living with your parents at home. I know maybe if I do have an American or European reader they would laugh, but sorry this is the case. You have the odd him & her that have decided to break out of this (--------) norm/custom and live alone, but mostly people will be living in their parent’s house abiding to most house rules and regulations and not having a place that they could call home, a place that they could identify with and that identifies them. A place where they are free to sit naked if they wish to do so and have total freedom to use the remote control at a whim.

The problem that I believe is bigger than the syndrome is that codependency emerges and becomes the reason why both sides put up with each other, each getting fringe benefits from a relationship that is continuously and progressively becoming strained and unpleasant. The parents have someone to keep them company and take care of the evolving needs and phobias of older age, and the children get all the freebies that come with the territory, laundry, food, cleaning sometimes even money etc…

But I have also watched people that made that historic decision and moved out evolve and become better people with even better relationships with their parents and siblings that stayed on at home. It has to be the case, can you imagine a bunch of 30, 40 and 60 something year olds living together, each with his/her preset ways, minds and needs and all having to compromise, with the compromises becoming bigger, and deeper with each passing day until they feel that they do not even know who they are anymore, and all of this under “this is the way it should be” slogan.

“Why would you want to move out if you are not married?” Parents ask in this part of the world. I keep telling parents including mine that perhaps there is this innate need in all of us for some privacy and some personal physical space?

Aha, the magic words, privacy, personal space, AKA sex.

Would any parent (who is not in a total state of delusion or denial) believe for a minute that their dearly beloved child still living with them, well into his/her 30’s or 40’s is waiting to move out or get married to have any form of sexual experience? Is not having your own apartment your excuse for being a virgin or is it some other problem? Would living at home make me more of a “pure” person practicing abstinence? Would living at home make me less of a candidate to be the subject of social scrutiny?

Living alone and social scrutiny, are they connected? Not sure but definitely the subject of another post.

Buttons

Humans should come equipped with one or more of the following:

1- An on/off button since obviously sleep is not doing the trick.

2- A brain mute button, for those times when it has a character of it’s own and would not shut up.

3- A forward and rewind button, for those times when wanting to remember something or see what is going to happen is of utmost importance.

4- A pause button, for those times when the off button is not the needed one.

If it is to be believed that we do evolve and change according to our surroundings and environment, I wonder when will the universe feel the need to have such buttons?? If our gills disappeared a zillion years ago because we stopped needing them, why didn’t these buttons grow somewhere on our heads since obviously there is an urgent need for them and there has been for quite some time now.

At least on this head !! No pun intended